It Does Not End Here
Almost a year ago, there was that feeling of anxiety and hopefulness wrapped into one.
A few hours ago, I was in that same room again, vowing my pledge and life to the Lord.
Right now, I cannot help smiling the challenges that I am about to face this year and the years to come.
Tomorrow, I will be back in school, doing things that a regular student would do.
Despite the time series I’ve observed, being a servant to the Lord will be timeless. He’d surprise you in any way He can whether it be big or small. Looking back at my old files, I would always recall that time where I wrote my Induction Essay just for the heck of it. I will just post it here for future reference.
No matter what you do, something itches you. That something could possibly not be an object but still has substantial value. The ticks that I have grew larger and larger till I get lost over the millions of ticks that are beneath my skin. It is just like a disease waiting to die down. The problem is that you might have to only choose one of them. One of those ticks could only be the answer to your problems. Maybe one of them will make you a happier person in general.
Discernment is a process that does not only need quantitative thinking. I was trained to analyze critically through numbers. Because of this, I’ve thought too much by crunching the number of cycles, rounds, wavelengths and so forth without knowing that there is of course something more than just quantitative data beneath the palm of my hands. I live and breathe as a being not necessarily programmed to solve complicated equations. Knowing what the equation’s point would be enough for me I guess for the time being. You see, I was born not with a strong wit for numbers though I have that slight inclination for it. I try too much that even outside my course, even though I still want to reach for it, it’s still a million light years away.
Besides from that itch, there was an itch to know more about myself and why I am here. I’ve been too pessimistic to recount the ways I’ve been a burden to many. Being an atheist for four years was quite a rough ride to deal it considering this as a looking back process sort of thing. I’ve been told by innumerable people to take things slowly while others still keep on forcing me to rush my judgments and sentiments over a thousand of things. This is a letter on taking the next step, a step that one will not look back and say, “Why did I do that?” and a slap on his or her forehead. This next step is not just a small step, but a BIG LEAP towards fulfilling the mission of God and Jesus Christ.
We’ve been taught and raised practically for four years by the Jesuits. We live and breath their teachings although some may seem to do so. People have told me that I’m a good piece to deal with while some would disagree. My aunts and uncles were pleased with what I do academically but I would say the opposite. We can never be great but we can continue to search for greatness. Discernment is more than just thinking of taking the first step to His Path but incorporating oneself to be one with His Being just as how Incarnation would seem.
I am not a fan of long waiting nor of short notice. It is only this year that I’ve entered and been welcomed by the AtSCan community. But this discernment did not happen recently. It was just that what I was pondering deeply for several months and years was what the term meant. All my life, I always strive for success not only for myself but for others. I wanted to know that I was the best till suddenly all came crashing down one day during my high school days. False hopes ran across my veins and in the back of my head. I questioned God and unknowingly just left Him behind all those years. These were the years that bitter relationships were made that I turned to suicide as one of my options.
A part of me now still looks back and feel that sting in my heart thinking of ‘what if’s’. One cannot change the past they say but what boils down at this point is what fundamental option are you about to take in this long journey ahead of you? Is this a risk I am willing to take? Recounting every step I’ve taken during this lifetime, I would say, YES. Yes, to the idea of induction. This is a decision that is not light-headed in a sense that you just nod your head any time of the day. This is the heavy duty commitment one is about to take for the grandeur plans of God. No matter how great one is, he or she cannot just think of himself/herself. You have to have the drive to do something greater and bigger than that. Being a man means being a companion to others of any origin and the sort. Each one has his or her own time to stand up and raise his or her left hand saying I do but for me, this is the TIME to say YES to that calling. But then again, this is not a risk or a hard decision unless our hearts would pause and turn back, thinking again. We may still continue to have doubts of what options we are about to take in this journey ahead of us, but for sure, it is a destination I would never want to miss in my entire life.
Sure, I got the high feeling after being inducted. I knew at that time that God wouldn’t leave me and that I was meant for greater things. What I was not able to process was being in control of who I am or who I really was. I got into the ocean of losing myself to the world. Along the way, I got a hold of myself but I wouldn’t have done it without the help of some people. Through thick or thin, there will always be that light on the other side. Getting hurt is one lesson.
With that, I end a glimpse of my story after my induction. Being inducted is one thing. To live up to His name is another. This is not the end of your journey but just the beginning.
To all the new inductees, Patuloy lang… 🙂