The Fear

Besides from fearing death, I fear for my future. It sounds funny but I am scared of what lies ahead and what I will be. I do not want to forget my roots as well as my foundations as a person. I cannot fathom myself to be the tycoon others dream of. I cannot fathom myself to get more boring as I get old. In short, I just can’t imagine myself transforming myself to someone I barely know.

Here I am typing and looking at Manuel Quezon’s face in the twenty peso bill. I need to outlive and outrun people but that sounds to egoistic. Just a few more months, I may end up either in the work force or taking up further studies. It just kills me that sometimes time moves so fast – that dreams tend to cut short.

I never dreamed of this when I was a kid – to take up this course. What seemed boring to me back then became interesting now – analyzing and fussing over things unimaginable to many. All I dreamed of back then was to be an artist, a writer, an engineer or a doctor – the typical fancies of a kid. I had no idea what physics does but I fell in love with it along with the other interests I am holding on to. It just kills me that whenever I hear my schoolmates becoming doctors, business or society’s next leaders, and I am stuck here in this wormhole not really sure that the path I am choosing will either lift me up or destroy my soul.

Fear. It is something that makes you weaker and stronger at the same time. It sounds ironic but it is true. You do not stop there and then with the word, FEAR in front of you. You move on. Move on, but with your head up high and at the same time, never forgetting your past.

It’s been twenty or so years, but I still have lots of things to learn. My age does sound old but here’s to more years of unconventional schooling – of my purpose in life and the odds in it.


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